Can you be Pro-Black with a non-black partner?

  I’ve been seeing this question popping up all over my various timelines. Also, having recently watching a panel discussion on The Grapevine TV’s channel, I can say that I can only roll my eyes so much. 

   In my opinion this question is only lobbed at black women who have different partners as a way to invalidate any critique of black people and systems of oppression. It reinforces the idea that black women have to be the pillar for black men in a way that isn’t reciprocal.

  It seems that it doesn’t matter if you’ve spoken up about diversity and inclusion and fought trolls, like Francesca Ramsey, whose points are apparently no longer valid because her husband is white. It doesn’t matter if you’re Serena Williams, who has dated black men exclusively and ultimately married a white guy, which somehow means she’s not black enough. The reason people seem to think they’re with a white (or non black) guy is because they hate themselves and they hate blackness - otherwise they would’ve “chosen” a black person. In reality, I met my partner and we clicked, which is why I’m now happily married to my white husband. What these people fail to realize is that my proximity to a white person (my husband) doesn’t negate the fact that I am a black person.

  Being with a non-black partner doesn’t change my skin tone, my culture, my heritage, or my love for my people. It doesn’t take my sickle cell trait away. It doesn’t make me less upset when a unarmed black person is shot. It doesn’t mean that I care less about helping other black woman succeed in my workplace. It doesn’t mean that I don’t go out of my way to support my friends and family with their businesses.

  For me this question is very two-dimensional when people are multifaceted. It strips away the fact that people are individuals and creates an expectation of a default relationship setting. This also assumes that all black people support each other, that they aren’t colourist, and that they don’t participate in misogynoir. This question also assumes that there is someone available in our circle at the time we’re looking for a partner who also happens to be black and who we’re compatible with. For all of people’s boasting we know that just isn’t the case. The whole question is based on too many assumptions to really be a valid.

  Finally, do you even know anyone who refers to themselves as Pro-Black? Whether or not anyone is “Pro-Black” would be evident in their actions and how they live their life.

Signed,

I’m blackity-black-black-Black with a white husband

Year 1

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Its weird to think of myself as a Mrs. but here I am a year into marriage and I can say we haven’t tried to kill each other, so that’s definitely a plus.

A number of people prior to getting married said everything would change and I was a bit nervous, but I’m happy to report that the change wasn’t a negative one. I have learned to negotiate and boo’s learned that I’m right most of the time(lol I’m joking). Seriously I think the major change has been remembering that there is a permanent person with you forever and ever and that you have to move forward together like a three legged race.

Me and Boo doing our civic duty (we tried but dumb dumb Ford won)

Me and Boo doing our civic duty (we tried but dumb dumb Ford won)

Expectations are also something that you can have but never vocalize and in the last year I’ve learned to never assume that what I want is obvious. Sometimes these expectations are cultural and something I’ve grown up with. Whereas boo’s upbringing was completely different from mine and our assumptions can be on the opposite ends of the spectrum (FYI I’m Ghanaian-Canadian and Boo is Dutch-Canadian). Remembering to vocalize expectations has saved us from a number of potential arguments lol.

All-in-all I’m still enamoured with boo and I’m incredibly humbled to be a partner with someone as caring, intelligent, genuinely nice, sweet, funny, adorable and I look forward to adding another chapter to our story.

Me and Boo in Montreal

Me and Boo in Montreal